Project Description

There has never been a picture book like this one before…

Children deserve the best. What parent wouldn’t want to offer their children the most extravagant birthday parties, the most esteemed tutors, and most importantly, the safest hazmat suits available?

Experimental humor writer Mark T. Wain has teamed up with renowned illustrator Billy Blaze to create the first book ever written to tackle children’s self-esteem issues during the threat of a nuclear apocalypse. Similar to All My Friends Are Dead and Go the F**k to Sleep, the moxious duo is pushing the envelope in the illustrated dark comedy genre once again.

Featured Review:

“I found half of the book to be endearing; I found the other half to be hysterical. I was kind of shocked by some of it, especially the ending. Parents with young kids should find it extra entertaining. This is a very funny short read that would make a great stocking stuffer for Christmas. Now my only problem is figuring out if I should give this book to people that I really like or people that I really hate.”
– Warren G, wrapper *

(* Disclaimer: Warren G is a guy who hates punctuation and works at Mark’s local gift shop that refused to give him his full last name. He is not the same person as the famous West Coast rapper who coincidentally also goes by Warren G.)

About the Author:

Mark T. Wain didn’t have a traditional relationship with his parents. His father was a cardboard cutout of Captain Jean-Luc Picard. His mother, at her very best, was obsessive and paranoid. She had an irrational fear of smelling like elderberries. In his spare time, Mark likes to watch old episodes of Happy Days and The Brady Bunch and be grateful that he never had yahoos like them as parents.


This book may not be appropriate for children due to the presence of gambling, underage drinking, and a sizable explosion. See for yourself!


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